JE NI KWELI?
TANZANIAN HUSBANDS
The SAMBAA
Has one Wife
Has one girlfriend
But he loves his wife the most.
The CHAGAA
Has one wife
Has one girlfriend
But he loves his girlfriend the most.
The NGONI
Has one wife
Has one girlfriend
But he loves the house maid the most.
The SUKUMA
Has two wives
Has two girlfriends
He loves the wives sisters the most.
COASTERIAN/ZANZIBARIAN
Has 4 wives
Has 0 girlfriends
He loves the new wife the most.
The JALUO
Has 4 wives
Has 4 girlfriends
He loves his neighbours wife the most.
The NYAMWEZI
Has one, two three wives
Has several girlfriends
He loves the barmaid the most.
THE KURYA
One wife
Many girl friends
He will beat all of them
THE MASAI
Two wives
One girl friend
He loves his cows the most
THE SOMALI'S
Four wives
No girl friend
Loves his miraa the most
Mdau
New York
defarmation for zanzibaris! otherwise it is funny ngoja wazanzibar watasema wenyewe lakini haya mambo yako ulaya kwetu mmmm!
ReplyDeletecheap humour full of idiocy
ReplyDeleteMarrying A Chagga by Sandra A. Mushi
ReplyDeleteI have always known that getting married to a Chagga woman is a headache, especially if you are a Kyasaka – but my girlfriend’s dad took the cake and the cherry on top! The cream even! With a Mchagga father one never wins! You see, most Chagga parents don’t believe in inter-marriage. When the topic of marriage comes up they will always insist that home is always best. In fact, some parents are so fast at hooking their children up!
“When is your daughter coming back? Is she done with her law degree? My nephew is just about to finish his doctorate. Maybe we should introduce them when they get back from Switzerland.”
Naturally when you hear degrees, overseas and such arrangements it only means prominent families – with names and clout. Anyway, so there they were; my girlfriend and her dad, the two of them, sharing that father-daughter moment. So my girlfriend brings up the topic that makes any possessive Chagga dad freeze and breath fire. But since they always had that bond, he was down with whatever.
“Wahaya then?”
“They are too arrogant! They will never stop reminding you that you only have two degrees, while their whole family has seven degrees each.”
“Wapare?”
“They like sex too much!”
My girlfriend giggles at this, thinking – as if there is something wrong with that. The dad seeing his daughter’s reaction adds another point quickly.
“And they are misers!”
“Okay, Wakurya?”
“You’ll be beaten black and blue! And everyday there will bring a new woman!”
“Wa-sukuma then?”
“They will fatten you up and force you to bleach your skin.”
“Okay, I take it you will be happy if I got married to a Mchagga?”
“That’s what I have always been telling you!”
“Wa-kibosho?”
“They will beat you black and blue!”
“Wa-uru?”
“Very smart, educated but no maendeleo. You husband might end-up being a shoe shiner with a PhD.”
“Wa-machame?”
“Wachawi! Those people!” He spits out as he nearly chokes on the beer he was drinking, “They can even bewitch the dead!”
“Wa-old Moshi?”
“Washamba!” He spits on the ground – and hold back as he realizes it was beer that he was spitting, “They are so ignorant they don’t know the difference between a cell phone and a remote control.”
“Wa-marangu?”
“They are too arrogant!“
“Okay, so I guess you will be happy if I married someone from our village.”
“Absolutely,” he smiles. “But they are too …”
“I hear you, dad,” my girlfriend interrupts, “someone from the same community then?”
“Which clan though?”
“The Tembas?”
“The great grandmother was a witch.”
“The Machas?”
“I hear the aunt’s cousin’s sister’s son’s father was a mental case. Your children might inherit it.”
“The Mushis?”
“They are thieves. They are so bad that they even steal their very own livestock jamani!”
“The Temus?”
“They haven’t gone to school!”
“The Lyimos?”
“They drink too much! They will forget the baby’s milk but never the beer.”
My girlfriend then coughs, not because there was something irritating her throat, but because she was so tempted to remind her father that he is in exactly the very same boat – that his blood pressure and liver problem were - by the way - because of drinking too much - tena hard liquor even.
“The Teshas?”
“Their late great grandfather owes your late great grandfather!”
To this my girlfriend raises her eyebrows, but since she didn’t want to get into it - clearly - she went on, “Okay, I guess you will be happy if it was from the same street then?”
“Absolutely!” The dad replies with a grin, “but which family though?”
My girlfriend, with a huge sigh, at this point decides to end this debate of which clearly she will never win. Since to most Chagga fathers – nobody is good enough for their little girls.
Nimekubali kuhusu Mchagga..
ReplyDeleteAOP kidogo=go to Mediatakeout.com umuone Dada huyu. Anakuhusu kiaina,Mlimuongelea kipindi fulani...Kama unataka sio lazima.
ReplyDeleteha ha ha ha ha ha ebana sijawahi kucheka kama leo.Haya matani ya karibu na kweli huwa ni vyanzo vya ugomvi kijiweni.
ReplyDeleteYou NY Mdau, you are so stupid, Somalis are not Tnzanians, they are Somalis.
ReplyDeleteTHE ZARAMOS
ReplyDeleteHas one wife
Has four girlfriends
Loves Mdundiko the most
THE WAHAYAS
Has one wife
Has seven girlfriends
Loves Masterbation the most
THE WAGOGOS
Has one wife
Has one girlfriend
Loves CHABO the most
You stated by 'JE NI KWELI' then the story flow in a different language. who do you seek the comments from? Any way whatevever your target and aim is I seek to reserve my comment and ask God to protect us from UZUSHI.
ReplyDeleteWe kabila lako lipi? kama unafanana na maelezo yako na jamaa zako wa karibu wako hivyo basi umepatia
ReplyDeletehuyu aliye andika hii kitu must be "muhaya" ndo maana kwanza anaita "jaluo" badala ya "luo" na ajasema kitu chochote kuhusu wahaya coz anajua wahaya wote kufuli/box mkononi na huwa hawajui kutofautisha wanawake wote kwao sasa so nikubeba nibebe!!!
ReplyDeleteMaina Owino-UK where are you at?? hizi kashfa unazikubali???
Mbona hueleweki ana wife halafu ana girl friend ki vip? watu wengine bwana.
ReplyDeletemdau wa k/koo shimoni
The ngoni
ReplyDeletehas one wife
has twenty (20)girlfriends
Loves makuzi the most
mdau ngatunga abd
TMK
hahahahaaaa!!
ReplyDeleteanon hapo juu uliye describe wahaya, wagogo na wazaramo asante sana nilikuwa nshapata mawazo ghafla ntatoa wapi hizo sifa za hayo makabila, lkn kuna machache bado jamani kwa anayejua amwage hapa, wapare, warangi, nyakyusa, wabena, wahehe, jamani tusaidie tuwajue wanaume hawa wakoje.
Sandra A. Mushi umenifurahisha sana! Mi naona makabila mengi hapa TZ when it comes to marriage, yanafanana. I know wahaya, it matters ni muhaya wa wapi, wa kanyigo (mh!), wa muleba, wa kamachumu etc. kanyigo ndio wale 'walangila' (mabwana mkubwa). Kama wewe si wa huko, huwezi kukaa nao kwa yale ma pomp yao yasiyo na tija sometimes. Ni mtazamo wangu tu.
ReplyDeletesii mchezo!!
ReplyDeleteaya tunazidi kusikiliza,yamwage
Mdau, Maina Owino yumo humu Maktaba Kuu ya Sheria Oxford Vrsty.Nimemuliza kuhusu Wajaluo na w/wake kajibu hivi:
ReplyDeleteWaafrika ndoa ya wake wengi ilikua Jadi na leo mambo yanabadilika sababu ya uchumi ktk familia,Magonjwa ambukizi na ya kurithi.Kuhusu Girlfriends ni tabia ya mtu/marafiki lakini siyo Jadi ya kabila lolote. Ila sisi Waluo tulitunza nyumba na familia za wajane walipofiwa mme mpaka walipo simama wenyewe.Lakini sababu ya Ukimwi na maambukizi mengine kila mahali,uchumi mgumu jadi hiyo Inakwisha haraka.
Mdau Ngonyani.
Dah Most Tanzanians lack sense of humor. Its clearly the article is based on nothing but jokes.Lakini cha ajabu watu wamemkalia jamaa kooni.Acheni kuwa uptight kwa kila kitu.Ni utani/masihara/ucheshi tu.Big up uliyetoa hii article.
ReplyDeletehakuna cha nini wala nini wanaume wote wa kibongo ni wavivu,wanapenda nyumba ndogo,alwayz huwa wanafikiri wake zao ni wajinga na kutamani wake za wengine,hawako romantic hawajui kuwaintertain wake zao,wanasaidia kwao tu,na mambo mengi ya msingi huwa wanapanga na familia yao badala ya wake zao.
ReplyDeleteOnly when all is said and done and the in-laws have become out-laws following the signing of divorce papers will you realise that Kurya or Chagga, you can't be both married and happy. It is one or the other - that is, you are either married or happy - NOT both...
ReplyDeleteKinachosikitisha ni kwamba culture ya kitanzania haishutumu kuwa na wake zaidi ya mmoja na magirlfriends pembeni. Ndio maana ukimwi haukomeshwi-we are a promiscuous culture, that doesnt respect the sanctity of marriage to one person.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteWALAHI SI WATANII MIE NIMEJIONEA MWENYEWE HAYA YA WANYAMWEZI!HAYO YOTE YA KU-LUV BARMAID MOST IS SO TRUE ACHIA MBALI SEVERAL GALFRIENDS AND SEVERAL WIVES! WANAUME WOTE WAKO WAONGO LAKINI HAWA WETANI ZANGU WAMEZIDI, NA WALIVYO WAKIMYA WALAHI UKIINGIA MKENGE UNAKUWA WIFE/GALFRIEND NUMBER SO SO....!
inakera sana
ReplyDeleteutasikia "oooh i love my wife vere much"
ila uku nje totozzz za kufa mtu,kwanini tusijazane ukimwi tu
kusoma si kufuta ujinga,kutokusoma vilevile
Safi sana muandishi wa kejeli hii. Ni vyema kuwapa wasomaji kitu cha kufikirisha kwa njia kama hii. Nina imani wanaomkalia koo mwandishi wakitaka kujua kama hayo yasemwayo ni kweli ama la, wamekosa point (aweza afanye utafiti kwa kweli akaleta R square change na coefficient of determination, je itakusadikisha? Lakini inawezekana wanamkalia koo kwani jambo hili limewagusa katika mioyo yao. Ukweli siku zote wauma, twajua sio tabia njema kuwa na udanganyifu katika ndoa, iwe ya mke mmoja au wanne. Wanawake wa Kidigo twaambiwa ni mzigo, wafundishwa tangu utotoni kwamba kuwa na mume mmoja ni umaskini, lazima wawe na back up.Wasambaa walume nao wafundishwa kwamba mke mmoja ni kama umaskini wa kukosa nguo, lazima uwe na wa-kuback up. Wahaya nao twaambiwa wasema hiyo kitu si sabuni kwamba itaisha, du kazi ipo, Mlahabwa UK
ReplyDeleteWANGONI
ReplyDeleteOne Wife
One Girlfried
Loves Kuchonga Vinyago the Most
WANYAKYUSA
One Wife
One Girlfrind
Loves Maharage the most
KUNA KASUMBA ILIYOJENGEKA MIONGONI MWA WATU WAKITOA MADAI YAFUATAYO KUHUSU wakurya:-
ReplyDelete1.wanapiga sana wake zao
2.mwanamke asipopigwa haamini kuwa anapendwa na mumewe.
NAPENDA KUWAHAKIKISHIA KUWA KASUMBA HIYO SIO YA UKWELI.
inawezekana zamani walikuwa wana wadhibiti wakezao kwa kipigo,lakini kwa sasa hayo mambo yamekwisha pitwa na wakati.
these kurya are very polite and friendly as ihave come to learn from them,they are very caring and helpful whenever you need them. and are are not superstitious.
i aknowledge that they don't like tobe treated roughly or to mess around with then irelevantly,because they can turn mad within a second and chop off your head!!! but this is human nature, because every body would like to protect his territory for any cost!!
HIVYO TUSIWAZUSHIE WAKURYA UTANI USIO WA KWELI! HATA JESHINI SIKUHIZI PIA SIO WENGI KAMA ZAMANI.
utakuta wanyakyusa,wahaya,wasukuma,wachaga n,k ilimradi sikuhizi watu wanatafuta ajira mkono uende kinywani.na sio kamailivyokuwa zamani kuwa walihitaji watu majasiri wa vita hata likaitwa JESHI LA WAKURYA TANGU ZAMANI[JWTZ] hahaha! huo ndio ukweli.
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