10 Reasons Why African Men DON’T ROCK
By Mubita C. Nawa
As the world focuses on Africa this year for the world cup, Africa needs to take a closer look at its men and their leadership roles in Africa and beyond.
In a continent where half the men do not know their daughters birthday, their wedding anniversary or the menstrual cycles of their wives, there is a reason these men are the way they are.
In a continent where half the men do not know their daughters birthday, their wedding anniversary or the menstrual cycles of their wives, there is a reason these men are the way they are.
It is not for the lack of brilliance. These men know the shoe sizes of Diego Maradona, Ronaldo, and Kaka, the shirt number of the world’s most expensive player and the width of the river Nile. But they are disconnected socially from their mothers, wives, sisters, daughters and in some cases from their fellow men. These men look happy, but the women in their lives are miserable.
This article is not an indictment against Africa’s great men who are standing in the gap and being great husbands, statesmen, brothers and fathers. This article recognizes that such men are there. The trouble is they are the exception rather than the rule.
The hope is that this article will spark a dialogue that will positively affect the next generation so that they are better than the current one. To be a real man after all is not about being closed away from the world you live in, but possessing a worldview that seeks to understand not only sport and nature, but the opposite sex.
1. They Don’t Communicate: They do not just get it. They only speak when they are angry and when they do they yell and shout. They don’t know how to say sorry unless it is to the revenue authority, the police officer and the fire marshal. Their own communications have no emotion or connectivity. They can talk about bridges and high story buildings but not talk about the stories behind the people who built those buildings.
2. They are Too Angry: They have not seen a Psychologist in years. To an African man, the dread of seeing a counselor is the equivalent to a woman’s dread before a visit to the gynecologist.
3. They Love Sex but Hate Romance: Romance is a waste of time. Romance is just another 8th wonder galloping a tourist money and time. Sex for an African man is like a science project whose apparatus change depending on the mood. So the rule of thumb is, “Get it done as soon as you can, get in and get out and make some children while at it.”
4. They Don’t Respect Women: Don’t ask her how her day was, but ask her if dinner is ready. She must respect you but you must never respect her. The only time you respect her is when you are in the presence of her relatives but as soon as you are the two of you, call her all kinds of names as long as they are NOT ‘Sweety, Lovie, Baby or Honey.’
5. They Treat Women like Slaves: The harder she works, the more womanly she is. She must work until her face wrinkles. She must work until her hands blister. She must work until she has no desire to look beautiful for anyone. Some men have never even cooked for their wives or for their children.
6. Too Much Soccer, Too much Politics: If the passion an African man puts in his soccer and his politics was the same passion he put in his woman, the African woman would be ecstatic.
7. Don’t Know what to do with Children: An African man has the libido, energy and sex drive to father an entire village of children, but he does not know how to raise those children. He does not know how to show up at the child’s graduation day, sports day, and career day, not even take their child to the hospital or under-five clinic. The African man gets this from his parents and forefathers. African men have no idea what it means to be hugged or loved by their own fathers.
8. Little Accountability: The African man is not accountable to anyone or any organization but to his own ego. He does not want to account for his wife’s or girlfriend’s money. Nor his sisters or mothers money. No wonder the African man makes a terrible politician. An African man wants a free spirit that hovers around the world without anyone telling it where to land though it is past its landing time.
9. Poor Cosmetic Hygiene: The African man does not like to smell good. He likes to visit the barber to escort his friend but he does not enjoy a clean cut or shave. He would rather shave his own head even if it makes him look like a peacock. The only time an African man looks good is at weddings. All the while the women in his life wish he could just use some deodorant, perfume and cologne. But in the mind of an African man, these are all eccentrics of feminists.
10. Too Educated: An African man has more degrees than an American, European or a Japanese. African men have scavenged the world for the best education. They have sold their goods and properties, divorced themselves from social networks and relocated thousands of miles away in pursuit of education. But the real question is what has that education done for Africa? Zero. Some men in Africa have a dozen degrees; couple dozen diplomas, three dozen certificates, a thousand certificates of attendance and multiple PhD’s. Did I mention MBA’s? Yet education for an African man is a tool for intimidating others with and a bragging right rather than an inner liberation. One of the reasons the Nobel Prices have fewer African’s and more Europeans and Americas is that Africans are still doing their thesis while the other people are in the laboratory and on the ground putting into practice what they have learn.
CONCLUSION:
This article is not an indictment against all Africans. Africa has produced some fine men and great scholars and parents who have contributed to the well being of society. These men have liberated Africa from its historic shackles; they have fought imperial powers that colonized not only the continent, but the African mind. To these men and women we say thank you.
We still have a long way to go. Our actions and interventions now will ensure that we liberate the next generation.
We still have a long way to go. Our actions and interventions now will ensure that we liberate the next generation.
Human rights in Africa are just another academic work. Women in Zambia for example work long hours; travel long distances to draw water, still carry buckets to the labor ward for disposal or waste. Children across Africa are still child soldiers, street kids, and child fathers and mothers. All this while African leaders (majority of who are men) fly around in luxury, detached from society, content with cheap political mileage and abuse power with impunity.
Systems in Africa abuse women, abuse children and celebrate mediocre men who are otherwise called politicians. Systems in Africa ridicule men who appear like women only because these men care and are connected with their gentle side.
This article is not a slander or an attack on anyone. It is a tool bar being used to open a discussion that African men through their patriarchal leadership have avoided for years. But times have changed and it is time for African men to come clean and address this area of their lives.
Our women are crying and unfortunately our men a deafened by bouncing echoes of their own success. Or is it really success?
The author Mubita C. Nawa admits that he too is an African man who is struggling with his own upbringing.
RECOMMENDATIONS OR SOLUTIONS
1. Interpersonal Skills Training: Men must be taught from an early age what it means to relate to others. It must begin with self relationship. Being in communion with oneself.
2. Redefining Manhood: For generations men have struggled defining who a rue man is. Often the yardsticks are number of children, number of women, and the size of you know what. But time has come to say that a real man is a man whose emotional intelligence is greater than his IQ or even the size of tires on his car. It is time we told men that it is OK to cry.
3. Women must be Women: African men are a bit confused by African women. Women must go back to being mothers, nurturers, guides and gentle souls that men can count on. If our women are misplaced, so too will our men. It is OK for a woman too work, make money, and all. But she must never take the position of a man. She will fail.
4. Dialogue: Men must communicate more. Women must listen too without nagging. Let us talk about where or what we did wrong. Let us talk about it with mutual respect and candor.
5. Fall in Love with Humanity: Men must love their children more than their ‘adult’ toys. Men must love their wives more than their side kicks. Men must love being home more than the sports bar. Men must go back to the basics of life. Men must lead. A true man is a true leader. He is a priest, a prince, and shepherded, a lover and sure enough a man. Men must love people and the process of engaging and interacting with people. That for me is what rocks.
LOOK OUT FOR MY NEXT ARTICLE:
10 THINGS AFRICAN WOMEN MUST CHANGE
© 2010 Mubita C. Nawa Management Consultancy Limited. This article is written by life coach and international speaker Mubita Nawa for the purposes of edification and uplifting the human soul. No part of this article may be copied or reproduced without the permission of the owner.
© 2010 Mubita C. Nawa Management Consultancy Limited. This article is written by life coach and international speaker Mubita Nawa for the purposes of edification and uplifting the human soul. No part of this article may be copied or reproduced without the permission of the owner.
The article can be quoted or sent to others free of charge as long as full credit is given to the author.
For interviews and questions call:
For interviews and questions call:
+260978117920
+260978117920
or e.mail
mubitanawa@yahoo. com
On face book as Mubita Nawa
or Twitter @mubitanawa.
If this article has inspired you then all is well. If this article has offended you then all is still well. What matters is that we talk about the things that confront us. God bless you. Share this article with your church, your colleagues, and everyone you know.
Make sure you use it in its entirety so that the context is maintained. You can even republish it as long as it’s not for profit. All credit must be given to one Mubita C Nawa; the Lozi African boy with a dream to brings social change to Africa and the world. -- Mutinta
This is sooo true!
ReplyDeleteLady.
Pathetic article, shame on you the writer, after all kids in Africa spent much of their time looked after by their mums in their family home, while their dads are tolling to be a bread-winner every day, so the big question WHOM SHOULD WE REALLY BLAME?
ReplyDeleteMdau
Kariakoo Shimoni
LMAO! embellished but serves the purpose of ilustrating the points extremely well...though I must say maybe us women as caregivers are to a certain extent responsible for some of these not so acceptable[for women at least] traits. But thank you for a good laugh on a miserable day out!
ReplyDeleteSunshine
Dear Mutinta,
ReplyDeleteHope you are fine, I am very much impressed with your article. To be honest, I agree with you. Its true most of African Men are like what you have said. But, we should not blame them. They only way to eradicate the problem is to change their attitudes by looking on the system itself. Because its the system that make them to be as they are. Societies, especially at the family level should orient young men to behave in positive way. To be responsible, to respect their fellows and care for them. If we could go back to Jando, we should do that with new vision. I do belive the future will have the African Men who respect their daughters, mothers , sisters and so as wives.
he he heee wape wapeee panado zaoo wakimeza wakitema ni shauri zaooo, kwanza kabisa michuzi leo hakuna kubana ukweli na uwaziiiiii mambo hadharani ni kweli wanaume wetu nyinyi asilimia 90 ni wachafu sana mnanuka vikwapa mara mdomo hadi hukooo down yani mnatukera saannna mara mnuke mijasho mna misitu kila kona full kikwapa hadi kulee nanihi soksi zenu zimetoboka na mara nyingi mnazirudia hadi mnanuka miguu ukivua viatu utadhani hewa ya sumu imepulizwa jirekebisheni acheni uchafuuuuuu na muwe mnaoga mara mbili kwa siku kuna wengine hawaogi hadi siku 3 wngine wiki mnatia kinyaaaa msipunguze uchafu bali acheni kuwa wachafuuuuuuuu
ReplyDeleteNI UKWELI MTUPU! Utandawazi umetuamsha wanawake siku hizi tunajua wajibu na haki zetu za kupendwa na kujaliwa na hizo hoja kwa asilimia 90% bila ubishi ni za kweli bila kupingwa!
ReplyDeleteWanaume siku hizi wana take for granted wakezao wakiwa wafanyakazi ama wanajitafutia kipato basi wanajisahau kabisa kutimiza wajibu wao kama wanaume! Nashangaa mwanamume hajiulizi mkewe ameweza kununua gari lake, anavaa nguo za maana, viatu vya designers achiliambali pochi, saa,vidani vya gharama na wewe upo tu kama zoba! hapo hata nguo za watoto hajui zinatoka wapi kwa miaka kibao iliyopita, hivi huyo naye anajiita baba kabisa??? am sick and tired of these kind of men kabisaaaaaa! You African men you really need to change my dears amasivyo UKIMWI hautoisha asilani, abadan!!!!!
I cant believe I someone can write these pathetic critics to black men and yet be allowed to be posted here! LLWMDEE
ReplyDeleteThis article is misleading. There is no such thing as "African Men", or European or Japanese for that matter. It is impossible to look at the population on over 1 billion people and make a sound assumption. Especially those assumptions are based on the most dynamic entity of human survivor "culture and behaviour".
ReplyDeleteAfrica is very diverse, North is far different from the South and East is very different from West...thou that is topic for another day.
The author would have done justice to all Africans if the focus of this article would be more specific to one part of Africa. That part has to be practising similar way of life or at very least have exercise the same culture. The good example of this is the people inhabiting south of Sudan, north-eastern Congo (DRC), northern Uganda, western Kenya and northern Tanzania. That area there is Nilotic, Maasai, Dinka and Luo to name a few. Their culture, behaviour and way of life are very similar.
The general assumption as portrayed by the author would do little to enlighten the mind of new African generation. If anything it will make them more defensive of their culture and ways of life.
Soames Phares,
Reading, UK.
This article is a crap.
ReplyDeleteOvergeneralization and the write exposes his naivity. How can a sensible person believe this bullshit. The concept itself, ''African man'' is too Eurocentric, you have been colonized mentally, to think African men are different from other men, this is completely wrong,. The great American anthropologist, Franz Boas and Malinowisk, both once argued that, all human beings have the same characteristics, blacks, whites, red or blue, they came to reach that conclusion after several decades of scientific researches from 1845 to early 1900. Mimi nipo huku Ulaya, kuna wanaumme wa kizungu wazembe na wajinga kupita maelezo, yaani hata wanawake wa kizungu wanalalamika, lakini siwezi kuwa mjinga nikagenerelize hivyo. Mimi naisi huyo aliye andika ni mwanamke anawachukia wanaumme na ameamua kutumia jina la kiumme, a sensible and a well educated man, hawezi kuandika hii rubbish. It is true, there are irresponsible men, but the title or the heading of the so-called article is not only misleading but not true. The writer lacks a deeper understanding of both the social anthropology of African people and the history. NARUDIA MWANDISHI NI MWANAMKE ILA AMEBADILISHA JINA, SASA WEWE MWANAMKE TAFUTA HAO WANAUMME WA KIZUNGU UONE KAMA KUNA TOFAUTI; WANAWAKE WENGI WA KIBONGO NA AFRICA KWA UJUMLA WAO WANADHANI WANAUMME WA KIZUNGU NI TOFAUTI;KWANZA WENGI HAWANA SOKO HUKU ULAYA UKILINGANISHA NA WANAUMME; SISI WANAUMME WA KIAFRICA SOKO HATA KWA WANAWAKE WA MATAIFA MENGINE NI KUBWA KULIKO NYIE WANAWAKE MNAOJIFANYA UNAJUA SANA GENDER, HATA MKIBADLISHA MAJINA TUTAWAJUA:
Hahahahah........
ReplyDeleteA bunch of BS, too generalization, African man blah blah blah blah....
Replace all "African man" in the article with "White man" or "Indian man" or "Arab man" or Chinese man" etc. You will find it to be a piece of non-sense.
This writer should be specific to the subject of his/her intended victims, rather than just woke up one early morning with some BS in his/her head and start pretending educating African man.
You really don't know the reality of an African man in Africa, may be you are talking about African man in Europe/USA.
This writer needs to go back to school and take anthropology class and do really research work before
writing this crap.
have a nice day.
hii atiko sio crap ni ya ukweliii na ukweli lazima usemwee
ReplyDeleteKIJOGOO
..This article is so lame and baseless, when you say Africa has more number of graduates than USA etc. where did you get these conclusions including other assumptions you have mentioned above......
ReplyDeleteFor that its better to come up with real statistic to prove so, otherwise you are just describing the General Habits of men all over the world and not just African Men ...
These are just false implications to mislead the mass, sometimes is better to keep quite to hide your stupidity than to speak out and let everyone be sure of it.
CRAP article indeed.
ReplyDelete1st i don't think if a person who wrote this crap is an African. Secondly i doubt if it was a man.
one thing am sure of is, the person has a crippled mind and should be prayed for.
by the way how in god's name could the author approve this kind of article to be posted??? vichwa vingine inabid viwe examined. Uchafu ni tabia na it's neither gender nor racial based.
Like it or Hate it. That is the truth and you can not argue about it. Based on my own experience i have seen different African men from different countries with different cultures behaving reckless towards their partners. it is OK for men to be men and we like it that way but please we need gentlemen around.
ReplyDeleteThis is common sense People this article is not about the entire gender or generation the author pointed out. it is about "some" men, and the some know themselves. so don't freak out if you don't fall in the same category.
talking about culture and blabla the problem with africa men is some are quick to whip out the culture, religion etc, when it suits them. african men take their partners for granted, some wives to their husband are no more than "glorified hired help" who luckily happen to share the bosses bed.
There needs to be a major paradigm shift in our culture to raise men to treat women with dignity and mutual respect.
i totally support this article and please keep up us posted. michuzi uko juu.
Same old feministic conspiracies aimed at portraying all men as inherently evil! but wait a second I am a man and I have a deep respect for my wife, mother, sisters and all self respecting women and I know a lot of women who behaves a whole lot worse than men as far as your self imposed evaluative standards goes. This article is nothing less than a carefully blended bunch of truths, half truths and lies which makes the totality of it to be LIES, and it seems to be aimed if at all possible, to inculcate this virtually harmless but in reality deeply destructive feministic venom in our society. But make no mistake this won't go unqualified at least not under my watch! and Ooh yes you said ``if this article has offended you then all is still well'' No way you surely owe the offended people some apology you cannot simply step out offend people and get away with it at least not when you need to escape earning yourself a name among radical, arrogant, self absorbed feministic proponents and if you happened to be one of such folks then you need to brace yourself, stand your ground as a feminist and face the rains of displeasure from those of my kind who can't take this kind of ideological provocation sheepishly.
ReplyDeleteNi kweli tupu,hii article ina ukweli kwa 150%.Waafrika wanapenda madegree lakini ufanisi ni zero.Wee angalia maendeleo ya Afrika na viongozi wake miaka nenda rudi ndo utaprove hii article ina ukweli sana.KIONGOZI ANAWEKA MABILLION ULAYA WAKATI WANANCHI WAKE HATA MLO MMOJA KWA SIKU NI SHIDA!!!!!WENYEWE WANAVIITA VIJISENTI!!!!CHENGE SI ANA DEGREE???? AU???
ReplyDeleteThere is no doubt, the so-called article is a crap.
ReplyDeleteKwanza huyu hajui maana ya article, pili huyu ni mjinga sana. Nimewahi sema hapa, kuwa mtu mjinga bila kujua yeye ni mjinga ni tatizo kweli kweli. Kwa mfano huwezi kuweka kwenye huo uchafu eti African man, sasa hivi Africa kuna watu billion moja, Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, Cairo mpaka Bondeni Africa kusini, wewe una data gani au utafiti gani wa kuzibitisha hivyo. Mimi nakubaliana na jamaa hapo juu, huyu jamaa ni mwanamke sasa yeye anafikiri wanaume aliokutana nao ambao labda wana sifa hizo,
Bwana Michuzi naona timu yako ya editing au mhariri wako anaelekea kushindwa kazi huwezi kuweka uchafu kwenye blog ya jamii, huu ni uchafu, huwezi kudhani wanaumme wa taifa fulani ni tofauti.
wewe mwanamke nenda kwa hao wazungu wako utapata muziki wake, kwanza hao wanawake wa kiAfrica wanawashobokea wazungu wakati wazungu wenyewe hawawataki, sana sana kuwachezea tu,
maana huyo mwandishi wa kike yeye anafikiri WHITE MEN wana ROCK,
MICHUZI husiweke uchafu wa namna hii tena, maana ameahaidi kutoa mambo kumi ya mwanamke wa KiAFRICA this is rubbish again, how do you define an African woman, kuanzia misiri to South Africa.
crap crap crap crap
Ukweli unauma!!
ReplyDeleteWanaume wa Afrika (SSA - Sub-Saharan Africa) bado tuko karne kadhaa zilizopita (nafikiri pia pamoja na baadhi ya wadada). Angalia mambo wanayofanyiwa dada zetu na mama zetu hapo DRC na hao wanaume wajeshi, munaojifanya kuukataa ukweli mmefanya nini kukemea hayo mambo??
Let's ackonowledge the truth and assidously work to change the situation. It's a shame!! We should leapfrog several primitive stages!!
Lets keep pace with latest vibration (civilisation) of humanity. Else we may branch out to become different inferior specie, just as chimpanzee missed out the branch of human being!!
Hao wote wanaosema "the article is a crap", blah blah blah, ni wanaume.
ReplyDeleteUJUMBE ULIOLETWA HAPA NI KWAMBA MUJIREKEBISHE NA MUJIPENDE KWA KUSAFISHA MIILI YENU ILI WAKE ZENU WAPATE KUFURAHI.
na kweli asilimia kubwa hawajui romance mpo kama majogoo kutwa kutimuana ovyo na ndo maana tuna wacheat kibingwa hadi mjifunze ustaarabu raha imo humu humu duniani mbinguni kuungua sasa kwa nini tunyimane raha nyie watu msiojali wenzenu? mnadhani kuweka ugali mezani ndo dili mbona hata sie tunawezaa kuleta huo ugali mezani?? acheni mi ubabe yenu na mjifunze maromance usafi na kujali mume wangu i feel sorry for you laiti ungejua navyobanjuka na kiserengeti changu kisafii kinanukiaaa full romantic sio wewe umekaakaa kihitler aka babu raha jipe mwenyewee
ReplyDeleteKwa kweli hiyo article inamake sense
ReplyDeleteKaka zetu , Baba zetu inabidi mjirekebishe.
WANAUME WA KIBONGO SIO HAPA.BARA ZIMA LA AFRICA LA AFRICA .WAZUNGU HAPO NIMEFIKA TOTAL PACKAGE
ReplyDeleteI liked the part where she accused them of being "angry".
ReplyDeleteWell this is why i say TV were introduced too early for our advantage.Now we want to copy everything from the Tv n' paste them immediately in our lives...
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to Culture/tradition?I mean the generalization is killing the whole article.As clear as it has been since the beginning of life,Women are different from Men and thats the point of their existance,to combine to make a perfect body....Its like someone come on here articl-ing about Women of Africa are weak when making love,are fat,are lazy etc etc....Our culture is very different from the rest of the comparison.African men differs just like Asian Men,European men n' American Men...
Maybe the fact that the Writer is a boy speaks alot about the facts this article is immature...Well lot of kids/boys(for that matter) are not happy on their brought up,well once they are men they realise it was all to make them better people they never were....
Hii article inasema ukweli. Wanaume wengi wa Kiafrika, hasa Afrika ya kati, mashariki na kusini ni walevi, wanazaa nje na hawawatunzi watoto wao, violent towards women,etc... No wonder East, central and southern African countries zinaongoza kwa ukimwi duniani...by a long way...TUJIREKIBISHE!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDear Mr.Mutinta Just because you have time and internet it doesnt mean you can write anything you want...
ReplyDeleteahsante kwa kunipotezea muda wangu!
ths article is CRAP!
"thumz (noble prize leval thinker)"
Wanawake wa Ulaya je tuwazungumzie walevi malaya wachafu hawaogi, wanaume zao wako weak hawana dini bora sie hatuna elimu ila Elimu kubwa ya dini tunayo.
ReplyDeleteGuys this is just to address a message,there is no point to freak out if you are not on the same category.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, (s)he managed to initiate a point where people will speak their mind, lets speak our minds in a positive way, to let the author learn and those follow under author's caption to make a move towards a change,as we all agree that people with that HABIT/BEHAVIOUR are out there be it men or women. Thus,those with this HABIT please a change is inevitable, and the author pleas HABIT has no GENDER. So please next time try shapeyour ARTICLE HEADINGS to address te right message.
THANKS
THANKS